# 25 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: a Centurion commander faces his legion]
COMMANDER: Gentleman, last night I overheard one of you mutter that you missed cake. And I say--We shall eat no cake until all the rebels are driven down and destroyed!
[centurions cheer as a messenger runs up, quickly salutes commander and whispers something in his ear]
COMMANDER: [addresses legions]: I have just been informed that the rebels have been driven down and destroyed. TO CAKE THEN!
[centurains cheer]
(curtain)
Monday, November 7, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
OH TELL ME I YET HAVE A FRIEND
# 24 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: an island castaway sits on a rock. The gutted wreck of his ship is beached to the left. To the castaway's right is a seagull]
CASTAWAY: So, what should we have for dinner tonight?
SEAGULL: Screech, screech, screech.
CASTAWAY: Boiled sargassum again? A fine choice. I concur.
SEAGULL: Screech, screech, screech.
CASTAWAY: I agree, it is weird that my only friend is a seagull. I try not to dwell on it. Sometimes when we talk, I wonder if this is another heat stroke delirium. Last time I fainted, I imagined I was back home at my favorite diner. I'm going to pretend that that's reality, and that this is all just a fevered dream.
SEAGULL: Screech, screech, screech.
CASTAWAY: You would say that.
[neither speaks; all that is heard is the rolling surf]
(curtain)
[ACT I, Scene I: an island castaway sits on a rock. The gutted wreck of his ship is beached to the left. To the castaway's right is a seagull]
CASTAWAY: So, what should we have for dinner tonight?
SEAGULL: Screech, screech, screech.
CASTAWAY: Boiled sargassum again? A fine choice. I concur.
SEAGULL: Screech, screech, screech.
CASTAWAY: I agree, it is weird that my only friend is a seagull. I try not to dwell on it. Sometimes when we talk, I wonder if this is another heat stroke delirium. Last time I fainted, I imagined I was back home at my favorite diner. I'm going to pretend that that's reality, and that this is all just a fevered dream.
SEAGULL: Screech, screech, screech.
CASTAWAY: You would say that.
[neither speaks; all that is heard is the rolling surf]
(curtain)
Saturday, November 5, 2011
AFTER THE FIRE
# 23 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: a police inspector talks to the owner of the Endurance, a ship that left harbor and burnt completely before it could return to the pier]
POLICE INSPECTOR: Samuel Connolly?
SHIP OWNER: Died in the fire.
POLICE INSPECTOR: Steven Haper?
SHIP OWNER: He too died in the fire.
POLICE INSPECTOR: Peter Stovic?
SHIP OWNER: He actually made it to shore, but then he died. Entered the tavern apparently and drank himself to death. Bit of a drinker, you see. Without the others to stop him it was inevitable.
POLICE INSPECTOR: Hmm. Richard Williams?
SHIP OWNER: Dead, but people claim his ghost is upstairs [points to lit window above].
POLICE INSPECTOR [picks up handful of pebbles and throws them against window. It opens and a man looks out]: Are you Richard Williams?
GHOST: No, I am his ghost, and as such I am outside the laws of man. Now leave me be [goes back inside].
POLICE INSPECTOR: Well, I guess I'll leave this for the insurance men then.
SHIP OWNER: I plan to leave it on the bottom of the harbor.
POLICE INSPECTOR: Well, goodnight then.
(curtain)
[ACT I, Scene I: a police inspector talks to the owner of the Endurance, a ship that left harbor and burnt completely before it could return to the pier]
POLICE INSPECTOR: Samuel Connolly?
SHIP OWNER: Died in the fire.
POLICE INSPECTOR: Steven Haper?
SHIP OWNER: He too died in the fire.
POLICE INSPECTOR: Peter Stovic?
SHIP OWNER: He actually made it to shore, but then he died. Entered the tavern apparently and drank himself to death. Bit of a drinker, you see. Without the others to stop him it was inevitable.
POLICE INSPECTOR: Hmm. Richard Williams?
SHIP OWNER: Dead, but people claim his ghost is upstairs [points to lit window above].
POLICE INSPECTOR [picks up handful of pebbles and throws them against window. It opens and a man looks out]: Are you Richard Williams?
GHOST: No, I am his ghost, and as such I am outside the laws of man. Now leave me be [goes back inside].
POLICE INSPECTOR: Well, I guess I'll leave this for the insurance men then.
SHIP OWNER: I plan to leave it on the bottom of the harbor.
POLICE INSPECTOR: Well, goodnight then.
(curtain)
Friday, November 4, 2011
OH, DEER!
# 22 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: evil sorcerer walks through forest leading a deer by a rope]
EVIL SORCERER: Haha! Now that I've turned you, his one true love into a deer, that revolting hero will never dare to oppose me! Meah! [runs off stage leaving deer]
[hero runs on stage with fairy princess. He embraces deer]
HERO: My dear, I'm so glad I found you. I've brought help, I'll have you back to normal soon.
FAIRY PRINCESS: I want ice cream.
HERO: What?
FAIRY PRINCESS: I want ice cream. Get me ice cream and then I'll help you. Red Raspberry ice cream.
HERO: Why ice cream?
FAIRY PRINCESS: Well, everyone has to want something, and I want ice cream.
HERO [looks around]: I don't... I don't think there's any ice cream to be had around here. But if I get it, then you'll help us?
FAIRY PRINCESS: [shrugs shoulders] Eh. Maybe. [uses wand and fades away into smoke]
HERO: Wait! Well, that was unfortunate. She wasn't very much help.
FAIRY PRINCESS [appears again in smoke]: You, sir have insulted me! I have a better solution to your problem! [waves wand and lots of smoke again. smoke fades and hero has been turned into a deer too]
FAIRY PRINCESS: Much better!
(curtain)
[ACT I, Scene I: evil sorcerer walks through forest leading a deer by a rope]
EVIL SORCERER: Haha! Now that I've turned you, his one true love into a deer, that revolting hero will never dare to oppose me! Meah! [runs off stage leaving deer]
[hero runs on stage with fairy princess. He embraces deer]
HERO: My dear, I'm so glad I found you. I've brought help, I'll have you back to normal soon.
FAIRY PRINCESS: I want ice cream.
HERO: What?
FAIRY PRINCESS: I want ice cream. Get me ice cream and then I'll help you. Red Raspberry ice cream.
HERO: Why ice cream?
FAIRY PRINCESS: Well, everyone has to want something, and I want ice cream.
HERO [looks around]: I don't... I don't think there's any ice cream to be had around here. But if I get it, then you'll help us?
FAIRY PRINCESS: [shrugs shoulders] Eh. Maybe. [uses wand and fades away into smoke]
HERO: Wait! Well, that was unfortunate. She wasn't very much help.
FAIRY PRINCESS [appears again in smoke]: You, sir have insulted me! I have a better solution to your problem! [waves wand and lots of smoke again. smoke fades and hero has been turned into a deer too]
FAIRY PRINCESS: Much better!
(curtain)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
A MATTER OF GRAVE IMPORTANCE
# 21 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: man digs in field, another man stands by him, a large rock is to their left]
DIGGING MAN [wipes forehead]: So I'm not going back.
MAN: You've got to. Your wife sent me out here. You've been digging that hole for three days now.
DIGGING MAN [resumes digging]: I've got to finish this.
[ a raven flies down and alights on the rock; caws]
MAN: What's with him?
DIGGING MAN: Him? Oh he's been bringing me food.
MAN: He feeds you?
DIGGING MAN: Not exactly. I mean, he tries. Three times a day he flies down and drops a tiny ball of bread for me.
MAN: Well, I suppose it's the thought that counts.
DIGGING MAN: I suppose it is.
[neither speaks for a moment; raven flies off]
MAN: So what are you going to do? With the hole, I mean.
DIGGING MAN: Lay down and die in it.
MAN: So there's no use in talking you into stopping?
DIGGING MAN: No, not much use.
MAN: I see. Well, I'll be heading out then. It's getting dark.
DIGGING MAN: Give the wife my best.
[man exits; the other man continues digging]
(curtain)
[ACT I, Scene I: man digs in field, another man stands by him, a large rock is to their left]
DIGGING MAN [wipes forehead]: So I'm not going back.
MAN: You've got to. Your wife sent me out here. You've been digging that hole for three days now.
DIGGING MAN [resumes digging]: I've got to finish this.
[ a raven flies down and alights on the rock; caws]
MAN: What's with him?
DIGGING MAN: Him? Oh he's been bringing me food.
MAN: He feeds you?
DIGGING MAN: Not exactly. I mean, he tries. Three times a day he flies down and drops a tiny ball of bread for me.
MAN: Well, I suppose it's the thought that counts.
DIGGING MAN: I suppose it is.
[neither speaks for a moment; raven flies off]
MAN: So what are you going to do? With the hole, I mean.
DIGGING MAN: Lay down and die in it.
MAN: So there's no use in talking you into stopping?
DIGGING MAN: No, not much use.
MAN: I see. Well, I'll be heading out then. It's getting dark.
DIGGING MAN: Give the wife my best.
[man exits; the other man continues digging]
(curtain)
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
MY DEBILITATING COCAINE ADDICTION
# 20 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: a man faces toward audience]
MAN: I feel I must apologize for not contacting you sooner about my RSVP. I would have you see, but all my time has been taken up. Taken up by my debilitating cocaine addiction. I really would liked to attend your garden party. Truly I would, but you see, I will be busy. Busy with my debilitating cocaine addiction. Oh, I can imagine how you will truss up the gazebo in lights, and the servants will be attired in the finest of livery. The food will be a sumptuous spread, and the air will carry the sound of tinkling laughter and clinking champagne glasses, but I can't dwell on the image long. I can't dwell on it long you see, for I have no attention span; no attention span due to my debilitating cocaine addiction.
I may try and stop by later. Oh I'll be about anyway, wandering strange streets late, and doing quite frankly whatever it takes to raise money. Money, I need, in which to stave off my debilitating cocaine addiction. Perhaps I will swing in to admire the silverware. Admire it so much that I will have to leave with it. Leave with it and then sell it. Sell it, you see, to procure more cocaine, cocaine for my debilitating cocaine addiction. See you soon!
(curtain)
[ACT I, Scene I: a man faces toward audience]
MAN: I feel I must apologize for not contacting you sooner about my RSVP. I would have you see, but all my time has been taken up. Taken up by my debilitating cocaine addiction. I really would liked to attend your garden party. Truly I would, but you see, I will be busy. Busy with my debilitating cocaine addiction. Oh, I can imagine how you will truss up the gazebo in lights, and the servants will be attired in the finest of livery. The food will be a sumptuous spread, and the air will carry the sound of tinkling laughter and clinking champagne glasses, but I can't dwell on the image long. I can't dwell on it long you see, for I have no attention span; no attention span due to my debilitating cocaine addiction.
I may try and stop by later. Oh I'll be about anyway, wandering strange streets late, and doing quite frankly whatever it takes to raise money. Money, I need, in which to stave off my debilitating cocaine addiction. Perhaps I will swing in to admire the silverware. Admire it so much that I will have to leave with it. Leave with it and then sell it. Sell it, you see, to procure more cocaine, cocaine for my debilitating cocaine addiction. See you soon!
(curtain)
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
I CAN DO ANYTHING!
# 19 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: two men face each other]
MAN 1: I can do anything!
MAN 2: No you can't.
MAN 1: I can do anything!
MAN2: No you cannot.
MAN 1: I can do anything!
MAN 2: Can you come back from the dead?
MAN 1: I can do anythin-
[MAN 2 pulls out a gun and shoots MAN 1 dead]
MAN 2: No you cannot.
(curtain)
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