# 30 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: Rosaline and William nervously stand in their living room]
[the phone rings, William answers it]
WILLIAM: Hello, yes. No, I understand. Well, we simply weren't able to get the money....I see [hangs up phone and turns to Rosaline].They're sending someone over. I'm sorry, Rose. Still, we need to remember there's nothing they can do to hurt him.
ROSALINE: But it's just the idea, Willie!
WILLIAM: Believe me, I know. It's blackmail is what it is. Simple blackmail. When a man's buried, that should be the end of it-
[William glances out the window and gasps]
ROSALINE: What is it, Willie?
WILLIAM: It's..it's either a sick man, or a-a boy. He's coming up the walkway.
[Knock on the door, William opens it]
MESSENGER: I've been sent by the chancellor, he who runs things. Have you the money?
WILLIAM: I'm sorry, we haven't any more money.
MESSENGER: At times people can gather the money at the last moment, so they always ask me to go. It's only fair, I say, to give everyone one more chance.
WILLIAM: If you give us time, we could get the money. Please, he's her father.
MESSENGER: Begging your pardon, sir, but if he cannot afford his bed then he'll end up like the others. [to Rosaline] Like many others, ma'am. His bones will be added to the heap. 'Tis a shame when ya can't pay. It always breaks me heart, it does. But there's nothing to be done if you cannot pay the chancellor's price. He's a hard man, sir, but he's fair. He's fair.
[messenger silently waits for a reply, there is none but for Rosaline sobbing quietly]
MESSENGER:Well, I'd best be on me way then [tips his cap]. I'll make sure they place the bones down gently [turns to walk down the front steps]...it's the least I can do.
(curtain)
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
FREEDOM ISN'T FREE
# 29 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: on a stage set up to look like a street corner, a turkey addresses the audience]
TURKEY: Hello, my name is Freedom. That's right, I'm the turkey President Lyndon Johnson pardoned yesterday. I spent two years in a turkey coop. Two long years with my own kind, and then-BANG! Just like that they throw me into the outside. Well, let me tell ya something, I can't deal with life outside of the big farm. I've been walking up and down these streets all morning, peeking inside your windows this Thanksgiving Day. Watching. Watching you. Watching you as you carve up my brothers and sisters. Some of the time, I spent watching you watch the parade on TV. Brother, that Snoopy balloon is something else, I tell ya. Then I watched the Cowboys play the Dolphins. Good game, good game. But then I saw you go for seconds on the turkey, and you know what? I wish I was with 'em. I wish I were dead. What I'm saying is, I'm stuffed up to here with freedom. My giblets are all a quiver at my situation. Every wishbone snapped is a break in my heart. But I guess I'll waddle on down this quiet, lonely road. Maybe there's a cranberry bog I can drown myself in....make everyone's job easier.
[turns and leaves muttering]
(curtain)
[ACT I, Scene I: on a stage set up to look like a street corner, a turkey addresses the audience]
TURKEY: Hello, my name is Freedom. That's right, I'm the turkey President Lyndon Johnson pardoned yesterday. I spent two years in a turkey coop. Two long years with my own kind, and then-BANG! Just like that they throw me into the outside. Well, let me tell ya something, I can't deal with life outside of the big farm. I've been walking up and down these streets all morning, peeking inside your windows this Thanksgiving Day. Watching. Watching you. Watching you as you carve up my brothers and sisters. Some of the time, I spent watching you watch the parade on TV. Brother, that Snoopy balloon is something else, I tell ya. Then I watched the Cowboys play the Dolphins. Good game, good game. But then I saw you go for seconds on the turkey, and you know what? I wish I was with 'em. I wish I were dead. What I'm saying is, I'm stuffed up to here with freedom. My giblets are all a quiver at my situation. Every wishbone snapped is a break in my heart. But I guess I'll waddle on down this quiet, lonely road. Maybe there's a cranberry bog I can drown myself in....make everyone's job easier.
[turns and leaves muttering]
(curtain)
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
THE RETURN OF THE KNIFE
# 28 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I, announcer in a mauve suit faces the audience]
ANNOUNCER: And now for something you'll really enjoy: Zanzibar El Cuchillo-Surrealist Poet.
[announcer leaves and Zanzibar enters. He is wearing a suit of vanilla white coloring. He has a shock of gray hair and a moustache that beggars description, except to say it looks like it woke up one day and decided to defy the laws of gravity]
ZANZIBAR: Ladies and gentle worms [pauses and points to the crowd]. The maggots of time gnaw at your skull!
[turns his back to the crowd, then whips around and yells]:
I HAVE ATTEND THE WEDDING OF A THOUSAND DOGS!
[cups ear]: Listen! Can you hear him? Elvis Presley's ghost cries out. "Mama! Mamaaaa!"
[covers eyes to see audience] It's getting dark, America. Do you know where your Coca-Cola is? Must I wait forever for the return of the 25 cent hot dog? The atom bomb?
[clenches fist]: Bacon.
Bacon on everything.
Bay-con.
On.
Ev-ry.
Thing.
[pauses, then falls to his knees and screams]: Fudgie the Whale!
[The lights fall to a spotlight on Zanzibar, and he drops his head.]
[There is no applause from the audience; a man clears his throat]
ZANZIBAR [towards man who cleared throat]: Thank you! You're very kind. My wife left me. My art is all I have!
(curtain)
[ACT I, Scene I, announcer in a mauve suit faces the audience]
ANNOUNCER: And now for something you'll really enjoy: Zanzibar El Cuchillo-Surrealist Poet.
[announcer leaves and Zanzibar enters. He is wearing a suit of vanilla white coloring. He has a shock of gray hair and a moustache that beggars description, except to say it looks like it woke up one day and decided to defy the laws of gravity]
ZANZIBAR: Ladies and gentle worms [pauses and points to the crowd]. The maggots of time gnaw at your skull!
[turns his back to the crowd, then whips around and yells]:
I HAVE ATTEND THE WEDDING OF A THOUSAND DOGS!
[cups ear]: Listen! Can you hear him? Elvis Presley's ghost cries out. "Mama! Mamaaaa!"
[covers eyes to see audience] It's getting dark, America. Do you know where your Coca-Cola is? Must I wait forever for the return of the 25 cent hot dog? The atom bomb?
[clenches fist]: Bacon.
Bacon on everything.
Bay-con.
On.
Ev-ry.
Thing.
[pauses, then falls to his knees and screams]: Fudgie the Whale!
[The lights fall to a spotlight on Zanzibar, and he drops his head.]
[There is no applause from the audience; a man clears his throat]
ZANZIBAR [towards man who cleared throat]: Thank you! You're very kind. My wife left me. My art is all I have!
(curtain)
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
YOUR LOVING GRANDSON, REGINALD
# 27 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: an elderly couple, Helen and Thomas, sit in the living room of their well-to-do home. Thomas reads the paper while Helen opens the mail]
HELEN: Oh, Thomas, we've received a letter from Reginald!
THOMAS [without looking up from the newspaper]: What does the boy have to say this time?
HELEN: Here, I'll read it to you:
Dearest Grandmother, I hope this letter finds you and Grandfather in good health. I look ever so forward to you and Grandfather's visit, but I feel I must relate the events of the past few months prior to your arrival. The good news is I have my driver's license, the bad news is I have been terribly ill.
HELEN [gasps, composes herself and continues letter]:
Mother has fetched the doctor for me after I was found facedown and unconscious in a rowboat on the goldfish pond, drifting throughout the early morn. I had finished off a bottle of cooking sherry, you see. I had drank the entire bottle because earlier I had emptied out father's bar, as well as Jarvis's emergency brandy; all this within under a week.
THOMAS: Takes after his father.
HELEN: Shush. [continues reading letter]:
You'll be pleased to know I'm doing much better now. The doctor has declared me dissipated, but not entirely debauched.
Now, as per your wish to visit the zoo as we did in my childhood, I feel I must inform you of the events that have recently transpired. As for visiting the zoo, that is out of the question. To be frank: I stabbed, with a pen knife, a flashy cockatoo that had forgotten himself. I won't repeat what he said to me, but suffice to say I was in the right defending my honor against the bird. After I'd realized what I had done, I fled the avarium in the quickest manner possible without looking back. As I write, I don't know if the creature's yet dead or alive. From there, I hastily hopped the enclosure into the lemur sanctuary.
Last Saturday's edition of the paper interviewed the lemur handler, and he stated that the tiny creatures have finally calmed down and no longer bark at the smallest sound. I am relieved, although I cannot get the image of their frightened, staring eyes out of my mind from when I tried to dance the foxtrot with three or four of them.
After talking with the doctor, I now realize my actions were due to three days diet of nothing but gin and molasses. Sadly, no amount of apologizing to the zoo administrator could change the court appointed restraining order against me. As it is, I am allowed into the fenced-in area of the park, but cannot pass through the portcullis turnstile. So if you would like to feed popcorn to the ducks, we can do that, but I'm afraid entering the zoo is simply out of the question. Give grandfather my best and tell him I said thank you for the pen knife he sent on my birthday.
your loving grandson,
Reginald
THOMAS: Harrumph.
HELEN: Shush! We're going to visit in a week and you are going to have a nice grandfatherly talk with the boy. It will be delightful!
THOMAS [to self]: Well, I suppose I could teach him how to defend himself, prison can't be far down the road.
HELEN: Simply delightful!
THOMAS: Harrumph.
(curtain)
[ACT I, Scene I: an elderly couple, Helen and Thomas, sit in the living room of their well-to-do home. Thomas reads the paper while Helen opens the mail]
HELEN: Oh, Thomas, we've received a letter from Reginald!
THOMAS [without looking up from the newspaper]: What does the boy have to say this time?
HELEN: Here, I'll read it to you:
Dearest Grandmother, I hope this letter finds you and Grandfather in good health. I look ever so forward to you and Grandfather's visit, but I feel I must relate the events of the past few months prior to your arrival. The good news is I have my driver's license, the bad news is I have been terribly ill.
HELEN [gasps, composes herself and continues letter]:
Mother has fetched the doctor for me after I was found facedown and unconscious in a rowboat on the goldfish pond, drifting throughout the early morn. I had finished off a bottle of cooking sherry, you see. I had drank the entire bottle because earlier I had emptied out father's bar, as well as Jarvis's emergency brandy; all this within under a week.
THOMAS: Takes after his father.
HELEN: Shush. [continues reading letter]:
You'll be pleased to know I'm doing much better now. The doctor has declared me dissipated, but not entirely debauched.
Now, as per your wish to visit the zoo as we did in my childhood, I feel I must inform you of the events that have recently transpired. As for visiting the zoo, that is out of the question. To be frank: I stabbed, with a pen knife, a flashy cockatoo that had forgotten himself. I won't repeat what he said to me, but suffice to say I was in the right defending my honor against the bird. After I'd realized what I had done, I fled the avarium in the quickest manner possible without looking back. As I write, I don't know if the creature's yet dead or alive. From there, I hastily hopped the enclosure into the lemur sanctuary.
Last Saturday's edition of the paper interviewed the lemur handler, and he stated that the tiny creatures have finally calmed down and no longer bark at the smallest sound. I am relieved, although I cannot get the image of their frightened, staring eyes out of my mind from when I tried to dance the foxtrot with three or four of them.
After talking with the doctor, I now realize my actions were due to three days diet of nothing but gin and molasses. Sadly, no amount of apologizing to the zoo administrator could change the court appointed restraining order against me. As it is, I am allowed into the fenced-in area of the park, but cannot pass through the portcullis turnstile. So if you would like to feed popcorn to the ducks, we can do that, but I'm afraid entering the zoo is simply out of the question. Give grandfather my best and tell him I said thank you for the pen knife he sent on my birthday.
your loving grandson,
Reginald
THOMAS: Harrumph.
HELEN: Shush! We're going to visit in a week and you are going to have a nice grandfatherly talk with the boy. It will be delightful!
THOMAS [to self]: Well, I suppose I could teach him how to defend himself, prison can't be far down the road.
HELEN: Simply delightful!
THOMAS: Harrumph.
(curtain)
Thursday, November 10, 2011
LUST FOR LIFE
# 26 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: two men sit at a bar, one wears a captain's cap]
MAN: Are you a boating enthusiast?
CAP: No, I'm just an enthusiast in general.
MAN: Huh?
CAP: Well, I mean, say there's a political campaign based in town, as there often is. It doesn't matter which party's headquarters it is- I'll be there to help. Last quarter I was a Republican, the quarter before I was a Libertarian. Tomorrow I'll be holding a sign for whoever the Democratic runner is.
MAN: So you like politics?
CAP: Come again?
MAN: You are enthusiastic about politics?
CAP: No, again, I'm just enthusiastic about everything. For instance, the lawn and garden show held at the Arboretum.
MAN: Ah yes, beautiful. The wife dragged me there. You'd think you had walked into the garden of Eden.
CAP: Not for me. I'm highly allergic to plants. I had to be rushed from my hydrangea stand to the hospital within half an hour of setting it up.
MAN [stunned]: That's terrible. You grew hydrangeas and weren't aware you're allergic?
CAP: Oh no, I knew I was allergic. I'm highly allergic to all plants. Highly. I can't even walk near the produce aisle in the supermarket. No, the hydrangeas weren't mine, I simply bought them from a greenhouse so I could sell them.
MAN: For God's sake, why, if you're allergic?
CAP: Because. As I've told you, I'm an enthusiast. A general enthusiast. I generally am enthused about things. Generally. It's what I do. Take now for instance: I can't drink. The tiniest amount of alcohol is pure poison to me.
[CAP down a shot in front of him and falls to the floor in paroxysms]
MAN: Doctor! Is there a doctor in the house?
CAP [from the floor]: No, no doctor. Today I am enthusiastic about my death [dies].
(curtain)
[ACT I, Scene I: two men sit at a bar, one wears a captain's cap]
MAN: Are you a boating enthusiast?
CAP: No, I'm just an enthusiast in general.
MAN: Huh?
CAP: Well, I mean, say there's a political campaign based in town, as there often is. It doesn't matter which party's headquarters it is- I'll be there to help. Last quarter I was a Republican, the quarter before I was a Libertarian. Tomorrow I'll be holding a sign for whoever the Democratic runner is.
MAN: So you like politics?
CAP: Come again?
MAN: You are enthusiastic about politics?
CAP: No, again, I'm just enthusiastic about everything. For instance, the lawn and garden show held at the Arboretum.
MAN: Ah yes, beautiful. The wife dragged me there. You'd think you had walked into the garden of Eden.
CAP: Not for me. I'm highly allergic to plants. I had to be rushed from my hydrangea stand to the hospital within half an hour of setting it up.
MAN [stunned]: That's terrible. You grew hydrangeas and weren't aware you're allergic?
CAP: Oh no, I knew I was allergic. I'm highly allergic to all plants. Highly. I can't even walk near the produce aisle in the supermarket. No, the hydrangeas weren't mine, I simply bought them from a greenhouse so I could sell them.
MAN: For God's sake, why, if you're allergic?
CAP: Because. As I've told you, I'm an enthusiast. A general enthusiast. I generally am enthused about things. Generally. It's what I do. Take now for instance: I can't drink. The tiniest amount of alcohol is pure poison to me.
[CAP down a shot in front of him and falls to the floor in paroxysms]
MAN: Doctor! Is there a doctor in the house?
CAP [from the floor]: No, no doctor. Today I am enthusiastic about my death [dies].
(curtain)
Monday, November 7, 2011
JUST DESSERTS
# 25 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: a Centurion commander faces his legion]
COMMANDER: Gentleman, last night I overheard one of you mutter that you missed cake. And I say--We shall eat no cake until all the rebels are driven down and destroyed!
[centurions cheer as a messenger runs up, quickly salutes commander and whispers something in his ear]
COMMANDER: [addresses legions]: I have just been informed that the rebels have been driven down and destroyed. TO CAKE THEN!
[centurains cheer]
(curtain)
[ACT I, Scene I: a Centurion commander faces his legion]
COMMANDER: Gentleman, last night I overheard one of you mutter that you missed cake. And I say--We shall eat no cake until all the rebels are driven down and destroyed!
[centurions cheer as a messenger runs up, quickly salutes commander and whispers something in his ear]
COMMANDER: [addresses legions]: I have just been informed that the rebels have been driven down and destroyed. TO CAKE THEN!
[centurains cheer]
(curtain)
Sunday, November 6, 2011
OH TELL ME I YET HAVE A FRIEND
# 24 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: an island castaway sits on a rock. The gutted wreck of his ship is beached to the left. To the castaway's right is a seagull]
CASTAWAY: So, what should we have for dinner tonight?
SEAGULL: Screech, screech, screech.
CASTAWAY: Boiled sargassum again? A fine choice. I concur.
SEAGULL: Screech, screech, screech.
CASTAWAY: I agree, it is weird that my only friend is a seagull. I try not to dwell on it. Sometimes when we talk, I wonder if this is another heat stroke delirium. Last time I fainted, I imagined I was back home at my favorite diner. I'm going to pretend that that's reality, and that this is all just a fevered dream.
SEAGULL: Screech, screech, screech.
CASTAWAY: You would say that.
[neither speaks; all that is heard is the rolling surf]
(curtain)
[ACT I, Scene I: an island castaway sits on a rock. The gutted wreck of his ship is beached to the left. To the castaway's right is a seagull]
CASTAWAY: So, what should we have for dinner tonight?
SEAGULL: Screech, screech, screech.
CASTAWAY: Boiled sargassum again? A fine choice. I concur.
SEAGULL: Screech, screech, screech.
CASTAWAY: I agree, it is weird that my only friend is a seagull. I try not to dwell on it. Sometimes when we talk, I wonder if this is another heat stroke delirium. Last time I fainted, I imagined I was back home at my favorite diner. I'm going to pretend that that's reality, and that this is all just a fevered dream.
SEAGULL: Screech, screech, screech.
CASTAWAY: You would say that.
[neither speaks; all that is heard is the rolling surf]
(curtain)
Saturday, November 5, 2011
AFTER THE FIRE
# 23 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: a police inspector talks to the owner of the Endurance, a ship that left harbor and burnt completely before it could return to the pier]
POLICE INSPECTOR: Samuel Connolly?
SHIP OWNER: Died in the fire.
POLICE INSPECTOR: Steven Haper?
SHIP OWNER: He too died in the fire.
POLICE INSPECTOR: Peter Stovic?
SHIP OWNER: He actually made it to shore, but then he died. Entered the tavern apparently and drank himself to death. Bit of a drinker, you see. Without the others to stop him it was inevitable.
POLICE INSPECTOR: Hmm. Richard Williams?
SHIP OWNER: Dead, but people claim his ghost is upstairs [points to lit window above].
POLICE INSPECTOR [picks up handful of pebbles and throws them against window. It opens and a man looks out]: Are you Richard Williams?
GHOST: No, I am his ghost, and as such I am outside the laws of man. Now leave me be [goes back inside].
POLICE INSPECTOR: Well, I guess I'll leave this for the insurance men then.
SHIP OWNER: I plan to leave it on the bottom of the harbor.
POLICE INSPECTOR: Well, goodnight then.
(curtain)
[ACT I, Scene I: a police inspector talks to the owner of the Endurance, a ship that left harbor and burnt completely before it could return to the pier]
POLICE INSPECTOR: Samuel Connolly?
SHIP OWNER: Died in the fire.
POLICE INSPECTOR: Steven Haper?
SHIP OWNER: He too died in the fire.
POLICE INSPECTOR: Peter Stovic?
SHIP OWNER: He actually made it to shore, but then he died. Entered the tavern apparently and drank himself to death. Bit of a drinker, you see. Without the others to stop him it was inevitable.
POLICE INSPECTOR: Hmm. Richard Williams?
SHIP OWNER: Dead, but people claim his ghost is upstairs [points to lit window above].
POLICE INSPECTOR [picks up handful of pebbles and throws them against window. It opens and a man looks out]: Are you Richard Williams?
GHOST: No, I am his ghost, and as such I am outside the laws of man. Now leave me be [goes back inside].
POLICE INSPECTOR: Well, I guess I'll leave this for the insurance men then.
SHIP OWNER: I plan to leave it on the bottom of the harbor.
POLICE INSPECTOR: Well, goodnight then.
(curtain)
Friday, November 4, 2011
OH, DEER!
# 22 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: evil sorcerer walks through forest leading a deer by a rope]
EVIL SORCERER: Haha! Now that I've turned you, his one true love into a deer, that revolting hero will never dare to oppose me! Meah! [runs off stage leaving deer]
[hero runs on stage with fairy princess. He embraces deer]
HERO: My dear, I'm so glad I found you. I've brought help, I'll have you back to normal soon.
FAIRY PRINCESS: I want ice cream.
HERO: What?
FAIRY PRINCESS: I want ice cream. Get me ice cream and then I'll help you. Red Raspberry ice cream.
HERO: Why ice cream?
FAIRY PRINCESS: Well, everyone has to want something, and I want ice cream.
HERO [looks around]: I don't... I don't think there's any ice cream to be had around here. But if I get it, then you'll help us?
FAIRY PRINCESS: [shrugs shoulders] Eh. Maybe. [uses wand and fades away into smoke]
HERO: Wait! Well, that was unfortunate. She wasn't very much help.
FAIRY PRINCESS [appears again in smoke]: You, sir have insulted me! I have a better solution to your problem! [waves wand and lots of smoke again. smoke fades and hero has been turned into a deer too]
FAIRY PRINCESS: Much better!
(curtain)
[ACT I, Scene I: evil sorcerer walks through forest leading a deer by a rope]
EVIL SORCERER: Haha! Now that I've turned you, his one true love into a deer, that revolting hero will never dare to oppose me! Meah! [runs off stage leaving deer]
[hero runs on stage with fairy princess. He embraces deer]
HERO: My dear, I'm so glad I found you. I've brought help, I'll have you back to normal soon.
FAIRY PRINCESS: I want ice cream.
HERO: What?
FAIRY PRINCESS: I want ice cream. Get me ice cream and then I'll help you. Red Raspberry ice cream.
HERO: Why ice cream?
FAIRY PRINCESS: Well, everyone has to want something, and I want ice cream.
HERO [looks around]: I don't... I don't think there's any ice cream to be had around here. But if I get it, then you'll help us?
FAIRY PRINCESS: [shrugs shoulders] Eh. Maybe. [uses wand and fades away into smoke]
HERO: Wait! Well, that was unfortunate. She wasn't very much help.
FAIRY PRINCESS [appears again in smoke]: You, sir have insulted me! I have a better solution to your problem! [waves wand and lots of smoke again. smoke fades and hero has been turned into a deer too]
FAIRY PRINCESS: Much better!
(curtain)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
A MATTER OF GRAVE IMPORTANCE
# 21 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: man digs in field, another man stands by him, a large rock is to their left]
DIGGING MAN [wipes forehead]: So I'm not going back.
MAN: You've got to. Your wife sent me out here. You've been digging that hole for three days now.
DIGGING MAN [resumes digging]: I've got to finish this.
[ a raven flies down and alights on the rock; caws]
MAN: What's with him?
DIGGING MAN: Him? Oh he's been bringing me food.
MAN: He feeds you?
DIGGING MAN: Not exactly. I mean, he tries. Three times a day he flies down and drops a tiny ball of bread for me.
MAN: Well, I suppose it's the thought that counts.
DIGGING MAN: I suppose it is.
[neither speaks for a moment; raven flies off]
MAN: So what are you going to do? With the hole, I mean.
DIGGING MAN: Lay down and die in it.
MAN: So there's no use in talking you into stopping?
DIGGING MAN: No, not much use.
MAN: I see. Well, I'll be heading out then. It's getting dark.
DIGGING MAN: Give the wife my best.
[man exits; the other man continues digging]
(curtain)
[ACT I, Scene I: man digs in field, another man stands by him, a large rock is to their left]
DIGGING MAN [wipes forehead]: So I'm not going back.
MAN: You've got to. Your wife sent me out here. You've been digging that hole for three days now.
DIGGING MAN [resumes digging]: I've got to finish this.
[ a raven flies down and alights on the rock; caws]
MAN: What's with him?
DIGGING MAN: Him? Oh he's been bringing me food.
MAN: He feeds you?
DIGGING MAN: Not exactly. I mean, he tries. Three times a day he flies down and drops a tiny ball of bread for me.
MAN: Well, I suppose it's the thought that counts.
DIGGING MAN: I suppose it is.
[neither speaks for a moment; raven flies off]
MAN: So what are you going to do? With the hole, I mean.
DIGGING MAN: Lay down and die in it.
MAN: So there's no use in talking you into stopping?
DIGGING MAN: No, not much use.
MAN: I see. Well, I'll be heading out then. It's getting dark.
DIGGING MAN: Give the wife my best.
[man exits; the other man continues digging]
(curtain)
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
MY DEBILITATING COCAINE ADDICTION
# 20 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: a man faces toward audience]
MAN: I feel I must apologize for not contacting you sooner about my RSVP. I would have you see, but all my time has been taken up. Taken up by my debilitating cocaine addiction. I really would liked to attend your garden party. Truly I would, but you see, I will be busy. Busy with my debilitating cocaine addiction. Oh, I can imagine how you will truss up the gazebo in lights, and the servants will be attired in the finest of livery. The food will be a sumptuous spread, and the air will carry the sound of tinkling laughter and clinking champagne glasses, but I can't dwell on the image long. I can't dwell on it long you see, for I have no attention span; no attention span due to my debilitating cocaine addiction.
I may try and stop by later. Oh I'll be about anyway, wandering strange streets late, and doing quite frankly whatever it takes to raise money. Money, I need, in which to stave off my debilitating cocaine addiction. Perhaps I will swing in to admire the silverware. Admire it so much that I will have to leave with it. Leave with it and then sell it. Sell it, you see, to procure more cocaine, cocaine for my debilitating cocaine addiction. See you soon!
(curtain)
[ACT I, Scene I: a man faces toward audience]
MAN: I feel I must apologize for not contacting you sooner about my RSVP. I would have you see, but all my time has been taken up. Taken up by my debilitating cocaine addiction. I really would liked to attend your garden party. Truly I would, but you see, I will be busy. Busy with my debilitating cocaine addiction. Oh, I can imagine how you will truss up the gazebo in lights, and the servants will be attired in the finest of livery. The food will be a sumptuous spread, and the air will carry the sound of tinkling laughter and clinking champagne glasses, but I can't dwell on the image long. I can't dwell on it long you see, for I have no attention span; no attention span due to my debilitating cocaine addiction.
I may try and stop by later. Oh I'll be about anyway, wandering strange streets late, and doing quite frankly whatever it takes to raise money. Money, I need, in which to stave off my debilitating cocaine addiction. Perhaps I will swing in to admire the silverware. Admire it so much that I will have to leave with it. Leave with it and then sell it. Sell it, you see, to procure more cocaine, cocaine for my debilitating cocaine addiction. See you soon!
(curtain)
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
I CAN DO ANYTHING!
# 19 in a series of daily one-act, one scene plays
[ACT I, Scene I: two men face each other]
MAN 1: I can do anything!
MAN 2: No you can't.
MAN 1: I can do anything!
MAN2: No you cannot.
MAN 1: I can do anything!
MAN 2: Can you come back from the dead?
MAN 1: I can do anythin-
[MAN 2 pulls out a gun and shoots MAN 1 dead]
MAN 2: No you cannot.
(curtain)
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