[ACT I, Scene I, an English tavern in 1718, a parrot makes
moaning noises from his perch by the bar]
MAN: Sir, I’ll have another. [shudders] What is wrong with that bird?
TAVERN KEEPER: Him? Ah, that’s Gentleman Stabbing Stanley's old pet.
Y’know, that pirate captain wut was hanged the week last.
MAN: Ah. So how did you come to own the parrot?
TAVERN KEEPER: The magistrate wanted to hang the parrot too, but
the people protested. I myself think it was the little gallows they made for creature
that moved the crowd to pity.
MAN: That is sad.
PARROT: ‘Tis no life for a God-fearing Christian man.
Repent, repent. RAWK!
TAVERN KEEPER: He talks all day. It’s fine, as business won’t
pick up until Yuletide anyway. He keeps me company.
MAN: I see. Have I been your only customer all day?
PARROT: [quietly] I will tell you a secret...
TAVERN KEEPER: For two
days.
MAN [whistles low]
PARROT: I killed Hook-Handed Henry and Rickety Jim. [sings] Oh, a
cook and a captain and a coxswain am I!
TAVERN KEEPER: I used to think he was repeatin’ Gentleman Stabbing Stanley’s
confessions, but now I think this bird just talks gibbitty.
PARROT: Ar-ha-ha-har. Do you want to know where the treasure
is? Do you? DO YOU?!?!
MAN: Quiet!
[both Man and Tavern Keeper approach parrot and listen
intently]
[bird eyes them for a moment]
PARROT: "The treasure is inside every Christian man-‘tis
his soul!" Ar-ha-ha-har! That’s wut the priest said before I's stabs ‘im! I stabs 'em good! I likes a good stabbin's, I do. Did you know that about me? Me fondness for stabbin's? [sings] Oh, a
cook and a captain and a coxswain am I! RAWK!
TAVERN KEEPER: I'll tell you wut Gentleman Stabbing Stanley's treasure is- it's this bird after I let the taxidermist fix 'im proper. [Pours man a drink and raises bottle to toast at bird] To Gentleman Stabbing Stanley.
MAN: To Gentleman Stabbing Stanley.
PARROT: RAWK! To Gentleman Stabbing Stanley!
(curtain)
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